To shoot or drive

Guys have petty dilemmas all the time like what striped shirt goes best with blue jeans, if anyone will notice the loose strand of hair that couldn't be combed just right, if you should shave your pubes if by chance you get lucky. Unlike guys, real men have real problems that need to be solved pronto or else they risk sterility and the extinction of manliness.

I am faced with a decision that has been a burden since my last paycheck; Should I buy a CETME (an assault rifle capable of taking out two cats lined up through a wall) or performance mufflers for my car? They both cost the same, but one has to be better. Here is a list of the pros of each:

CETME

1. Big enough for a Neanderthal, but perfect for me.

2. The NRA approves

3. Doesn't go bang, it goes BANG!

4. Need a tree chopped down, give me about 5 rounds

5. Women love it

Mufflers

1. People will know when I am cruising, possibly to their daughter's place

2. Old people hate it

3. My car deserves it

4. If you can't hear a car, it is not a car

5. Women love it

So with these in mind, what should I choose? Saving money is pointless since the communists will take it when they invade anyways. If that is the case and we are faced with a "Red Dawn" situation, sport mufflers would be pointless as pissing into the wind. I would much rather save America and a CETME is fully capable of the task. So it looks like I will be buying a CETME. Sleep well America, you will be a little safer now. Lets go shoot some wildlife.