It’s Friday, Go F&% Yourself

Fridays have the most potential to piss me off than any other day of the week. In fact, I dread going to work on Fridays because everyone has the same damn conversation they had for every Friday in the past. They can't shut up about how great it is that it is Friday. I'd rather have my face beaten with a lead pipe than listen to this shit all day.

Usually when I ask someone how they are doing, the reply is a relevant answer such as "good" or "I'm tired." On Friday, however, I'll ask someone how it is going and they reply, "It's Friday." No shit. I asked how you were doing, not what day of the week it is asshole. I don't need a human calendar when I have the Maxim version at home.

I am just as excited for the weekend as anyone else who works 40+ hours per week, but I don't turn into a cheerleader for it. If I wanted to express my Friday joy, I would go drop kick a small dog over a house, but I can contain it.

The thing I miss most on Fridays is the lack of intelligent conversations. I would much rather hear about your pet getting neutered than you telling me the obvious. To combat this, when I hear someone state how happy they are that it's Friday I immediately bring their high down by saying "Monday is only two days away." This shuts them up and their mood immediately turns sour. Science can back me on this because their nervous system is so ecstatic that the weekend is almost here that when they hear "Monday," the neurons in the brain come to a halt. This causes immediate depression for them and satisfaction for me. I have guaranteed that I will not hear anything more from that person the rest of the day. Game over, I win.

I don't know if the mind shuts down Thursday night or if people are only capable of focusing on one overlaying subject. Either way, I have to listen to them act like weekend hungry zombies. That could make for a good movie, Friday of the Weekend Hungry Zombies. It could consist of two hours of Friday happy zombies getting busted in the head with a metal folding chair. That would finally do this epidemic some justice.