When I was younger, I recall cartoons having a lot of action and a tangible ongoing plot. It was always a battle between good and evil. Shows like GI Joe, Thundercats, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kicked so much ass that children grew up disciplined because of them. I can honestly say that I would not be who I am today if it hadn't been for quality programming like this. In fact, I know that I would not have as much hair on my chest if it had not been for them. Not only did the characters in these shows sink their foot two feet into the bad guys ass, there was also a moral lesson to each show which was blatantly divulged at the end. They were entertaining and educational.
Last Saturday I was flipping through the channels and I came across some cartoons. Two minutes into one of the shows, I felt that watching the water in the toilet go down was more entertaining. These shows have absolutely no point to them. Putting your kids in front of the shit that is on TV today is like hitting the pause button on their development. They don't learn one damn bit of useful information from these shows, unless you count bitching as a life lesson.
Just look at the characters in these shows compared to the older cartoons. Back in the glory days of animation, the characters were muscularly defined, serious, and took shit from nobody. If there was a problem, the characters didn't think twice about what they had to do, they picked up the first weapon they found and started their ass kicking. If there was firepower available, they pointed a gun and start blasting. Now the only cartoon character kids have to look up to is a fucking gender confused sponge.
Kids need to have a re-education in animated entertainment. Think of all the good that it would do for them. Childhood obesity would go on the decline because kids would want to go out and recreate the famous battles they see their cartoon heroes acting out. Calories are burned, kids get to be kids, and America wins. They would not be wasting time inside all day watching brainless television that teaches them to be limp wastes of space.
When I have kids I am going to break out the old VCR and make them watch the shows I used to watch. The formula worked out well for me the first time, so why shouldn't it work again?
Kids shows today blow, and with all the federal regulations on cartoons today the future does not look bright. Do your kids a favor and block these channels so they don't develope learning disabilities.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Stuart, what a dick name.
The name "Stuart" does not fit me. If I ever met a guy named Stuart, I would have to perform a double cyclone kick to his head because his name sounds retarded. I'm no exception, but I have skills to prove that I am not, like taming mechanical bulls. I just need a name that fits my character like…
· Renegade
· Juggernaut
· PumpIron
· Shotgun
· Mr. Apocalypse
· Jacob Daniels (Since Jack Daniels is taken)
· Brickwall
· Bigasbullballs
· Thumb
I like the name "Thumb" most of all because the thumb has made every achievement of mankind possible. Think the pyramids could have been built without thumbs? No, unless you want to be technical and say that aliens did, then all bets are off. Thumbs are essential, just like me.
Stuart sounds about as cool as getting your cock stuck in the garbage disposal. I know that when people hear my name without seeing me they think that I suffer from asthma and a lack of sunlight. At least that is what they tell me, then they say that I don't look like a Stuart at all. I want a new name that will give children nightmares. That way when people hear my name they immediately know that I am an intimidating force and excellent in the art of head bashing.
On second thought, I'll stick with Stuart, Stu, Stewy, or any other variation people can come up with because getting your name changed requires filling out paperwork. I hate paper work more than my name, so in order to avoid that I will stick with my legal name and lie about what it really is to strangers from now on. As insanely sweet as it would be to put Bareknuckle Baxter on a job application, I'll have to pass because I am opposed to all work including paperwork. Filling out the forms would break my moral convictions so I am going to have to ditch this dream like a Mexican induced shit.
· Renegade
· Juggernaut
· PumpIron
· Shotgun
· Mr. Apocalypse
· Jacob Daniels (Since Jack Daniels is taken)
· Brickwall
· Bigasbullballs
· Thumb
I like the name "Thumb" most of all because the thumb has made every achievement of mankind possible. Think the pyramids could have been built without thumbs? No, unless you want to be technical and say that aliens did, then all bets are off. Thumbs are essential, just like me.
Stuart sounds about as cool as getting your cock stuck in the garbage disposal. I know that when people hear my name without seeing me they think that I suffer from asthma and a lack of sunlight. At least that is what they tell me, then they say that I don't look like a Stuart at all. I want a new name that will give children nightmares. That way when people hear my name they immediately know that I am an intimidating force and excellent in the art of head bashing.
On second thought, I'll stick with Stuart, Stu, Stewy, or any other variation people can come up with because getting your name changed requires filling out paperwork. I hate paper work more than my name, so in order to avoid that I will stick with my legal name and lie about what it really is to strangers from now on. As insanely sweet as it would be to put Bareknuckle Baxter on a job application, I'll have to pass because I am opposed to all work including paperwork. Filling out the forms would break my moral convictions so I am going to have to ditch this dream like a Mexican induced shit.
To shoot or drive
Guys have petty dilemmas all the time like what striped shirt goes best with blue jeans, if anyone will notice the loose strand of hair that couldn't be combed just right, if you should shave your pubes if by chance you get lucky. Unlike guys, real men have real problems that need to be solved pronto or else they risk sterility and the extinction of manliness.
I am faced with a decision that has been a burden since my last paycheck; Should I buy a CETME (an assault rifle capable of taking out two cats lined up through a wall) or performance mufflers for my car? They both cost the same, but one has to be better. Here is a list of the pros of each:
CETME
1. Big enough for a Neanderthal, but perfect for me.
2. The NRA approves
3. Doesn't go bang, it goes BANG!
4. Need a tree chopped down, give me about 5 rounds
5. Women love it
Mufflers
1. People will know when I am cruising, possibly to their daughter's place
2. Old people hate it
3. My car deserves it
4. If you can't hear a car, it is not a car
5. Women love it
So with these in mind, what should I choose? Saving money is pointless since the communists will take it when they invade anyways. If that is the case and we are faced with a "Red Dawn" situation, sport mufflers would be pointless as pissing into the wind. I would much rather save America and a CETME is fully capable of the task. So it looks like I will be buying a CETME. Sleep well America, you will be a little safer now. Lets go shoot some wildlife.
I am faced with a decision that has been a burden since my last paycheck; Should I buy a CETME (an assault rifle capable of taking out two cats lined up through a wall) or performance mufflers for my car? They both cost the same, but one has to be better. Here is a list of the pros of each:
CETME
1. Big enough for a Neanderthal, but perfect for me.
2. The NRA approves
3. Doesn't go bang, it goes BANG!
4. Need a tree chopped down, give me about 5 rounds
5. Women love it
Mufflers
1. People will know when I am cruising, possibly to their daughter's place
2. Old people hate it
3. My car deserves it
4. If you can't hear a car, it is not a car
5. Women love it
So with these in mind, what should I choose? Saving money is pointless since the communists will take it when they invade anyways. If that is the case and we are faced with a "Red Dawn" situation, sport mufflers would be pointless as pissing into the wind. I would much rather save America and a CETME is fully capable of the task. So it looks like I will be buying a CETME. Sleep well America, you will be a little safer now. Lets go shoot some wildlife.
Prove you don't have a heart by fishing.
Imagine for a moment you are taking a casual stroll through the neighborhood. As you walk, you enjoy some of the simple pleasures in life such as whistling at girls while they hold their boyfriend's hand, feed hot sauce to small animals, and occasionally flip off a student driver or two (I flip them all off, but that is just me). Doing all this has burned a lot of calories because you really, really enjoy those simple pleasures, so you decide to grab some grub. You pick up your grub, and as soon as you bite into it, you feel the sharpened edge of an Israeli sheppard's herding staff rip through your cheek. He then proceeds to slam you into a wall as he calls you his bitch. Welcome to a day in the life of any given fish.
I'm not trying to sympathize with a creature as stupid as a fish, but I am trying to put into perspective how heartless and ball busting sweet fishing is. We through our lines into a body of water and wait for a fish to skewer itself on a sharp object that we deliberately placed there for that purpose. Meanwhile we, the fishers, sit in the comfort of our boat or the edge of a bank and drink beer. That way when we catch a fish we are too belligerent to remove the hook properly, so we just say to hell with it and rip it out. While we are at it, we beat the fish on a big fucking rock before tossing it in the basket. The fish's mindless wondering days are over because we just raided his home and obliterated his ass, and we bought a license to do it. That is yet another reason why America rules!
The only thing better than keeping the fish is releasing it. This is better than killing the fish because you fish simply for sport (translation: because you feel inclined to prove that nature is your bitch). Back to the analogy, this would be like the Israeli sheppard putting a huge ass hole in your cheek and then making you prance around in a biker bar. The fish is forever scarred and treats the wound like a scarlet letter, with disgrace. But what do you care? You just through it back into the water like the man on third base were stealing home.
I also find the equipment for fishing pretty amusing, like the flies for fly fishing. These absolutely confuse the shit out of fish. It would be like you biting into a hamburger, but then you realize it was a dish of ass munch surprise. The fish thought it had a delectable treat, but BAM! There was a hook in the fly's ass. Unfortunately all this equipment somehow entitled stereotypically fishermen to be inclined to wear those stupid hats with all the hooks pinned to it. It looks like a sorry ass crafts project that was meant as a Mother's Day present. Leave that crap stain fashion at home.
Fishing season is finally here and I am ready to kick some fish ass. Usually I play heavy metal on the way to the fishing hole to set the mood. Hold on to your poles, there is a lot of brainless fish waiting to be relieved of their pointless life. Don't believe me? You are doing them a favor. Just ask a fish and if it doesn't respond, you know you were right.
I'm not trying to sympathize with a creature as stupid as a fish, but I am trying to put into perspective how heartless and ball busting sweet fishing is. We through our lines into a body of water and wait for a fish to skewer itself on a sharp object that we deliberately placed there for that purpose. Meanwhile we, the fishers, sit in the comfort of our boat or the edge of a bank and drink beer. That way when we catch a fish we are too belligerent to remove the hook properly, so we just say to hell with it and rip it out. While we are at it, we beat the fish on a big fucking rock before tossing it in the basket. The fish's mindless wondering days are over because we just raided his home and obliterated his ass, and we bought a license to do it. That is yet another reason why America rules!
The only thing better than keeping the fish is releasing it. This is better than killing the fish because you fish simply for sport (translation: because you feel inclined to prove that nature is your bitch). Back to the analogy, this would be like the Israeli sheppard putting a huge ass hole in your cheek and then making you prance around in a biker bar. The fish is forever scarred and treats the wound like a scarlet letter, with disgrace. But what do you care? You just through it back into the water like the man on third base were stealing home.
I also find the equipment for fishing pretty amusing, like the flies for fly fishing. These absolutely confuse the shit out of fish. It would be like you biting into a hamburger, but then you realize it was a dish of ass munch surprise. The fish thought it had a delectable treat, but BAM! There was a hook in the fly's ass. Unfortunately all this equipment somehow entitled stereotypically fishermen to be inclined to wear those stupid hats with all the hooks pinned to it. It looks like a sorry ass crafts project that was meant as a Mother's Day present. Leave that crap stain fashion at home.
Fishing season is finally here and I am ready to kick some fish ass. Usually I play heavy metal on the way to the fishing hole to set the mood. Hold on to your poles, there is a lot of brainless fish waiting to be relieved of their pointless life. Don't believe me? You are doing them a favor. Just ask a fish and if it doesn't respond, you know you were right.
My List of the Biggest Badasses of Our Time
Snake Plissken from Escape from New York and Escape from LA:
He is quite possibly the only man who could fight a grizzly and win by default every time. Snake does not take shit from anybody and the only time he does something good for the world is when his own life is at stake. If this criteria is not met he will walk away even as the world deteriorates, kind of like our concern for the ozone layer. I am willing to bet that he is not afraid to piss on a corpse at an open casket funeral.
He surfed through a post apocalyptic LA on his way smear some ass all over the streets and never even got wounded seriously. In fact his biggest injury was the loss of his eye, but that just makes him a better aim and a more devastating killing machine. If it was not for him, I never would have bought an eye patch to wear around in middle school. Snake Plissken, man? No… legend.
The Punisher:
His family is dead and you can only measure his level of pissed offedness in megatons. What I love about the Punisher is that he has ceased to be a man and he acts more like a predator stalking its prey, and his prey is anyone who pisses him off. Unlike all the other comic book heroes, he does not need any super powers to kick ass. What he does have is Saddam's weapons stash that the UN never found in his basement. He is the only character that I know that has never been described properly, and that is because he is indescribable, but imaginable.
I went as the Punisher one day just for the hell of it and I pulled it off so well that people actually ran when they saw me and police officers asked me for help. So I did my job by going home to play the Punisher video game. If only he were real… oh how safe the world would be.
James Bond
Not much to say here other than he gets to pork chicks with sexually explicit names (ie. Pussy Galore) and he flies in a jet pack. Case closed, Bond wins yet again. But I happen to know that he is actually an American, which explains why he is able to accomplish the feats he does.
Clint Eastwood:
He is the only person who has played characters who were less badass than he is in real life. I'm sick of all these Chuck Norris facts because Clint Eastwood has done all that at least twice. On that note, it is a fact that he used only real bullets in his movies and whenever he got shot, he really got shot.
Clint is a real man. Even in his old age (which is only old to us, but in Clint Eastwood years he is 24), he still managed to marry a young wife, just like the American dream. Every morning he wakes up with dust in his eyes because his morning wood keeps punching holes in the ceiling. He may not be an immortal, but he is not going away until the four horsemen of the apocalypse arrive so that he can hand their asses to them and be added to the bible. Look for the book of Eastwood coming to a bible near you.
Honorable mentions that didn't make the fucking list.
The Terminator from Terminator 1 - 3:
He would have made the list if it weren't for one small detail, he is a robot. That is an automatic disqualification in my book. If I were to add him I might as well add the 69 Camaro or the PS3 right next to him. Sorry Arnold, your character has just be terminated.
My Brother:(picture me, that should be a good enough of an image)
Sorry bro, I was born first. You lose, I win
Tony Montana from Scarface:
I loved Scarface and this character, but he got slaughtered at the end, proving that he was just a man after all. So close Tony, my heart goes out to you, but there is still hope if you are revived by a wizard and make a sequel. Too bad magic died with Santa Claus.
He is quite possibly the only man who could fight a grizzly and win by default every time. Snake does not take shit from anybody and the only time he does something good for the world is when his own life is at stake. If this criteria is not met he will walk away even as the world deteriorates, kind of like our concern for the ozone layer. I am willing to bet that he is not afraid to piss on a corpse at an open casket funeral.
He surfed through a post apocalyptic LA on his way smear some ass all over the streets and never even got wounded seriously. In fact his biggest injury was the loss of his eye, but that just makes him a better aim and a more devastating killing machine. If it was not for him, I never would have bought an eye patch to wear around in middle school. Snake Plissken, man? No… legend.
The Punisher:
His family is dead and you can only measure his level of pissed offedness in megatons. What I love about the Punisher is that he has ceased to be a man and he acts more like a predator stalking its prey, and his prey is anyone who pisses him off. Unlike all the other comic book heroes, he does not need any super powers to kick ass. What he does have is Saddam's weapons stash that the UN never found in his basement. He is the only character that I know that has never been described properly, and that is because he is indescribable, but imaginable.
I went as the Punisher one day just for the hell of it and I pulled it off so well that people actually ran when they saw me and police officers asked me for help. So I did my job by going home to play the Punisher video game. If only he were real… oh how safe the world would be.
James Bond
Not much to say here other than he gets to pork chicks with sexually explicit names (ie. Pussy Galore) and he flies in a jet pack. Case closed, Bond wins yet again. But I happen to know that he is actually an American, which explains why he is able to accomplish the feats he does.
Clint Eastwood:
He is the only person who has played characters who were less badass than he is in real life. I'm sick of all these Chuck Norris facts because Clint Eastwood has done all that at least twice. On that note, it is a fact that he used only real bullets in his movies and whenever he got shot, he really got shot.
Clint is a real man. Even in his old age (which is only old to us, but in Clint Eastwood years he is 24), he still managed to marry a young wife, just like the American dream. Every morning he wakes up with dust in his eyes because his morning wood keeps punching holes in the ceiling. He may not be an immortal, but he is not going away until the four horsemen of the apocalypse arrive so that he can hand their asses to them and be added to the bible. Look for the book of Eastwood coming to a bible near you.
Honorable mentions that didn't make the fucking list.
The Terminator from Terminator 1 - 3:
He would have made the list if it weren't for one small detail, he is a robot. That is an automatic disqualification in my book. If I were to add him I might as well add the 69 Camaro or the PS3 right next to him. Sorry Arnold, your character has just be terminated.
My Brother:(picture me, that should be a good enough of an image)
Sorry bro, I was born first. You lose, I win
Tony Montana from Scarface:
I loved Scarface and this character, but he got slaughtered at the end, proving that he was just a man after all. So close Tony, my heart goes out to you, but there is still hope if you are revived by a wizard and make a sequel. Too bad magic died with Santa Claus.
How not to look retarded when meeting a girl
Over the years I have met a lot of new people and many attractive women. All I really care about is the latter part of that sentence. In order to pick up on them you have to have the right moves to make a good impression, so here are some techniques that I have found to work best when meeting an attractive member of the opposite sex.
1. Be arrogant – No matter who they are, women love arrogance in guys. Take advantage of this as an opportunity to brag, hell even flat out lie about yourself. I can't begin to recall how many girls I have told that I was a member of SWAT, special forces, or an extra in an episode of Sex and the City (because what girl doesn't love that show?). Just remember that you know everything, so if they ask you a question that confuses you, just say "I won medals." They will be so impressed with your skill that they will love every word out of your mouth from here.
2. Flex – This goes along with arrogance. It doesn't matter how big or small you are, flex what you got because women love the beefcake. Don't worry if you can see bone through your skin, tell them it is because you are all endurance. To help with this, you can start exercising right in front of them like it is something that you do every day at that moment. Women love watching men do pull-ups or crunches. When I take women out on dates the first stop is always the gym and usually after a few reps they have to go wait in the car because they are so turned on.
3. If you got a gun, flash it – Usually women think you are crazy when you flash the trusty ol' iron at your side, so refrain from doing so unless… you follow with the comment, "You ought to see the .44 under my belt. They'll get the hint and it will be like catching fish in a barrel from there.
4. Show them your "custom" ride – When I say custom, I mean whatever you can lie about your car to make it seem unique (if you can't tell by now all relationships begin with lies, sorry but it's true). Show them your car and tell them all the "mods" you have made to it. I don't care if you have a stock 94 Taurus, tell them something along the lines of it is a sleeper and you taken out sports cars in this. They should be begging to drive it in no time, so play hardball and don't let them until they have begged for a good 45 minutes. When they get in the driver's seat they will have so many expectations that they will really believe that they are in a unique cruiser. Good job asshole, another success.
5. Take them out to eat, but… - have a small bag of finely ground pepper to put on whatever you are eating; the meatier the better. Pour the pepper on to your food and when they ask what it is, reply nonchalantly, "it's gunpowder." They will think you are so hardcore that you may have to take a pit stop at the bathroom together. Can you say home run?
I have done all these many times with tons of different women and I have met with success each time. Even though nothing ever came of any of these attempts immediately, I don't mind taking advanced credit for my endeavors. I always gave them my phone number, so I am expecting the calls to come pouring in any day now. I just hope that they don't come all at once so I don't miss any of them.
1. Be arrogant – No matter who they are, women love arrogance in guys. Take advantage of this as an opportunity to brag, hell even flat out lie about yourself. I can't begin to recall how many girls I have told that I was a member of SWAT, special forces, or an extra in an episode of Sex and the City (because what girl doesn't love that show?). Just remember that you know everything, so if they ask you a question that confuses you, just say "I won medals." They will be so impressed with your skill that they will love every word out of your mouth from here.
2. Flex – This goes along with arrogance. It doesn't matter how big or small you are, flex what you got because women love the beefcake. Don't worry if you can see bone through your skin, tell them it is because you are all endurance. To help with this, you can start exercising right in front of them like it is something that you do every day at that moment. Women love watching men do pull-ups or crunches. When I take women out on dates the first stop is always the gym and usually after a few reps they have to go wait in the car because they are so turned on.
3. If you got a gun, flash it – Usually women think you are crazy when you flash the trusty ol' iron at your side, so refrain from doing so unless… you follow with the comment, "You ought to see the .44 under my belt. They'll get the hint and it will be like catching fish in a barrel from there.
4. Show them your "custom" ride – When I say custom, I mean whatever you can lie about your car to make it seem unique (if you can't tell by now all relationships begin with lies, sorry but it's true). Show them your car and tell them all the "mods" you have made to it. I don't care if you have a stock 94 Taurus, tell them something along the lines of it is a sleeper and you taken out sports cars in this. They should be begging to drive it in no time, so play hardball and don't let them until they have begged for a good 45 minutes. When they get in the driver's seat they will have so many expectations that they will really believe that they are in a unique cruiser. Good job asshole, another success.
5. Take them out to eat, but… - have a small bag of finely ground pepper to put on whatever you are eating; the meatier the better. Pour the pepper on to your food and when they ask what it is, reply nonchalantly, "it's gunpowder." They will think you are so hardcore that you may have to take a pit stop at the bathroom together. Can you say home run?
I have done all these many times with tons of different women and I have met with success each time. Even though nothing ever came of any of these attempts immediately, I don't mind taking advanced credit for my endeavors. I always gave them my phone number, so I am expecting the calls to come pouring in any day now. I just hope that they don't come all at once so I don't miss any of them.
Politics, it Pisses Me Off
I've always said that if you want to ruin a friendship you should talk about politics. Everyone has their own damn opinion about what is best for this country, but today I say to hell with it. I am going to say whatever the hell about politics I care to say and if anyone wants to condemn me for my views, you are in the wrong fucking country communist.
Whenever Hillary wins a state the media grows a huge stiffy and that is all you hear about for the next week until Obama wins one. I couldn't give a rat's ass less about who wins what state because the actual election is not until November, and if we learned anything from the 2000 election we would know that the popular vote means dick. So when I see CNN repeating the same speech for 24 hours about political strategy and standpoint, I suddenly feel the need to take a shit because that is all my ears are being filled with.
Here's the problems I have with Hillary and Obama. Hillary is a bitch, plain and simple. I recall shortly after 9/11 Hilary was seen at ground zero trying not to get her hands dirty while surveying the damage. Meanwhile everyone else was trying to find survivors. If I was her (which is impossible because I have balls) I would have been rolling up my sleeves and started digging away at the rubble and show everyone my leadership abilities. Looking back over the last 20 years, it has either been a Bush or Clinton in the oval office. What is this, a monarchy? This country is ready for a change because everyone has been bitching about the downward spiral this country has been in since Reagan left office. Not to mention, Hillary's foreign policy is nearly the same as Bill Clinton's and that is what set G.W. Bush up for more failure than what he could have possibly done on his own. I'm all for a woman president, but not one who has proven to be an ass hat already. It's time to retire Hillary, so dress your age and get used to retirement you radical feminist.
Now your turn Obama. First of all, Obama supported by Oprah. I would not have minded this fact, but a majority of your votes have come from loyal Oprah fans that will do whatever their leader tells them to do. Secondly, Obama goes to a crazy ass church and he wanted to make the pastor one of his main guys. Looks like he forgot to separate church and state, but that is not surprising since he doesn't know much about the Cold War let alone the beliefs of the founding fathers. What pisses me off the most about Obama is that I went to his website to find information, and all I got was an opportunity to give him a donation via my credit card. I work at a fucking lumber mill and this asshole is asking me for my money? What do you think will happen if he gets elected? That's right he'll take everyone's money like any good politician does.
What both of these candidates have in common that worries me is that they are both anti guns. After all, guns kill people, not the person who actually pulls the trigger. Bullshit! If one of these morons is elected we can all say goodbye to the quality guns on store shelves today because they will be outlawed. That way when criminals and terrorists get their hands on a nice assault rifle, the American citizen will only have a handgun and probably a bolt action hunting rifle to defend themselves with. Sorry, but the right to bear arms means to bear arms that are actually effective.
Then there is McCain. I have to give him credit for going through Vietnam and for being a POW. For that I salute you because the other two candidates never had the balls to put themselves in front of a bullet. The issue I have with McCain is his stand on the war, which is the typical republican theory of "stay the course." That obviously hasn't worked since this has been the most piss poor war strategy conceivable. If anyone has read Sun Tzu, you know what I am talking about. Sorry McCain, thank you for your service, but your party is crap.
All this leaves only one hope for America, Ron Paul. Even though he is a republican, Paul has the best voting record and philosophy of the other candidates, which is probably why he is not receiving more support from his party. He does not believe in changing the government as much as he does retaining it as it was originally intended. That means that we could maintain our second amendment rights like liberty intended. What impressed me most was his stance on education. He does not feel that the government should be in total control of a child's education, so like a good American, Ron Paul gives the No Child Left Behind Act a big Fuck You. Best of all, he does not believe in having an income tax since the country got along just fine without until the 1930's when it was instated. That would put more money in our pockets where it belongs instead of going to a half assed government program or foreign oil.
It is just unfortunate that Ron Paul is trailing the other three candidates, but I am still going to vote for him. This is the analogy I use, everyone has a favorite football team and whether they win or lose, you still root for them every year. Ron Paul has my vote I'm hoping he will have your s as well and America does too.
Whenever Hillary wins a state the media grows a huge stiffy and that is all you hear about for the next week until Obama wins one. I couldn't give a rat's ass less about who wins what state because the actual election is not until November, and if we learned anything from the 2000 election we would know that the popular vote means dick. So when I see CNN repeating the same speech for 24 hours about political strategy and standpoint, I suddenly feel the need to take a shit because that is all my ears are being filled with.
Here's the problems I have with Hillary and Obama. Hillary is a bitch, plain and simple. I recall shortly after 9/11 Hilary was seen at ground zero trying not to get her hands dirty while surveying the damage. Meanwhile everyone else was trying to find survivors. If I was her (which is impossible because I have balls) I would have been rolling up my sleeves and started digging away at the rubble and show everyone my leadership abilities. Looking back over the last 20 years, it has either been a Bush or Clinton in the oval office. What is this, a monarchy? This country is ready for a change because everyone has been bitching about the downward spiral this country has been in since Reagan left office. Not to mention, Hillary's foreign policy is nearly the same as Bill Clinton's and that is what set G.W. Bush up for more failure than what he could have possibly done on his own. I'm all for a woman president, but not one who has proven to be an ass hat already. It's time to retire Hillary, so dress your age and get used to retirement you radical feminist.
Now your turn Obama. First of all, Obama supported by Oprah. I would not have minded this fact, but a majority of your votes have come from loyal Oprah fans that will do whatever their leader tells them to do. Secondly, Obama goes to a crazy ass church and he wanted to make the pastor one of his main guys. Looks like he forgot to separate church and state, but that is not surprising since he doesn't know much about the Cold War let alone the beliefs of the founding fathers. What pisses me off the most about Obama is that I went to his website to find information, and all I got was an opportunity to give him a donation via my credit card. I work at a fucking lumber mill and this asshole is asking me for my money? What do you think will happen if he gets elected? That's right he'll take everyone's money like any good politician does.
What both of these candidates have in common that worries me is that they are both anti guns. After all, guns kill people, not the person who actually pulls the trigger. Bullshit! If one of these morons is elected we can all say goodbye to the quality guns on store shelves today because they will be outlawed. That way when criminals and terrorists get their hands on a nice assault rifle, the American citizen will only have a handgun and probably a bolt action hunting rifle to defend themselves with. Sorry, but the right to bear arms means to bear arms that are actually effective.
Then there is McCain. I have to give him credit for going through Vietnam and for being a POW. For that I salute you because the other two candidates never had the balls to put themselves in front of a bullet. The issue I have with McCain is his stand on the war, which is the typical republican theory of "stay the course." That obviously hasn't worked since this has been the most piss poor war strategy conceivable. If anyone has read Sun Tzu, you know what I am talking about. Sorry McCain, thank you for your service, but your party is crap.
All this leaves only one hope for America, Ron Paul. Even though he is a republican, Paul has the best voting record and philosophy of the other candidates, which is probably why he is not receiving more support from his party. He does not believe in changing the government as much as he does retaining it as it was originally intended. That means that we could maintain our second amendment rights like liberty intended. What impressed me most was his stance on education. He does not feel that the government should be in total control of a child's education, so like a good American, Ron Paul gives the No Child Left Behind Act a big Fuck You. Best of all, he does not believe in having an income tax since the country got along just fine without until the 1930's when it was instated. That would put more money in our pockets where it belongs instead of going to a half assed government program or foreign oil.
It is just unfortunate that Ron Paul is trailing the other three candidates, but I am still going to vote for him. This is the analogy I use, everyone has a favorite football team and whether they win or lose, you still root for them every year. Ron Paul has my vote I'm hoping he will have your s as well and America does too.
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